here were some things that happened: we'd have an essay every week, i'd get scalding feedback notes on my work, my teacher got mass-reported by a Not Insignficant number of ap students, i became so stressed out before class that i considered hiding in the bathroom, and ONE TIME i cried and considered dropping out..... BASICALLY, taking ap lang was an experience i would not forget 70 years in the future. it is like a scar on my physical and mental health... like i feel like i've developed A PRETTY FAIR AMOUNT of gray hairs
suddenly, after taking the ap exam... i feel lighter!!!!!! the sky is lifted off of me!!!! i don't even care if i get a 1 or a 5 as my score!! i don't even care!!!
i do not feel that i am seventeen yet or ready for the responsibilities that a seventeen year old should have. i think that is true for a lot of people on their birthday. or for literally every birthday ever. #growing up and all. but isn't the transition to sixteen/seventeen years old pretty crazy????? suddenly you have to learn to drive, pick out your colleges, figure out your future, get a j*b and whatever.... and all the while you're still dealing with high school math homework!!! that's really outrageous!!!! ! mentally i still feel like i'm in 2020 and 11 years old and my biggest worry is how long i can get to play minecraft today. it's so messed!!!!! even worse, prodigies my age are already graduating college with their fiftieth degree or phd or whatever. can you chill out?!?!?!? IN COMPARISON i feel like MYY future plans are so vague and unambitious. i'll enter some college and get some civil engineering degree and work at some engineering company. i'll get money and buy some house and buy some car. burnt out from my job, i'll go home and look on the news and see the child genius of the century just invented time travel. what the hell!!!!!!!!
why is it that my entire life is determined by my high school performance?? what if my high school sucks?? and there's like, no opportunities??? then what?????? LIKE MY HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS!!! lots of things have been happening at my high school recently that have made me realize that i am living the American High School Experience. for instance, we had a shooter threat and the following day absolutely no one came. the day after THAT DAY, we had a lockdown. turns out, a man outside of our school was shot (unrelated to the shooter threat) and a bunch of paramedics were called. since everyone was so shaken up about it, parents started coming to our school in huge droves and calling up their kids to leave. and the day after that, absolutely no one came again. crazy stuff!! it was pretty scary!
everything about this place stresses me out!!!! tomorrow i have the exam for ap english language and composition and i already feel ill!!!
forgive me for neglecting my page.... BUT oh my DAYS i just returned from possibly the worst semester of my life. with the insane amount of stress i've endured, it is a MIRACLE i have passed my exams AND with A's in all my classes. it is Crazy. this has also proven to me that i am a perpetual motion machine. hiyaaaaaaa!!!
junior year is really Tough. i've learned that i probably have some sort of anxiety issue (massive understatement). i feel i have aged 10 years in the four months i have been at school
i find it necessary to share this really corny example. the other day, i was speaking some members in my writing club and it was very obvious to me that they were Freshmen... they were kind of Loud and had this excitement i can't really replicate now. BUT i knew that In A Distant Time (when i was a freshman) i was just like them.... this EITHER MEANS i've matured OR had my soul crushed by One Million Bricks. i am not sure
now winter break is here. i hope to spend it Wisely!!! i'll go to the aquarium or something. then i will become a better person for next semester.
it will probably be a while before i update this site again. sigh.....
my friends have all detailed junior year to be the most Traumatic Nightmarish experience of their life. online posts do NOT paint it any better
i didn't remember any of that advice when choosing classes. i basically forgot what academic pressure felt like during the summer so now my schedule looks straight unhealthy. it's like if you cranked the volume button to the max and then hit unmute
i thought taking AP european history last year was just SO easy peasy lemon squeezy. so this year, i decided to take THREE AP classes. cuz duh it will be just a piece of cake (it will not be). on top of that, my first three classes are all math-related in some way. i could feel the negative energy in the classroom... i questioned if pursuing engineering was right for me
however! i am not dropping out of any classes. evidently, i do not make good decisions for myself
other things! my school merged our lunches, so there is now only a 30 minute period where almost 2000 students have to brawl for food. the lines are obscenely long. not only will i deal with the crushing weight of my classes, but i also have to fight my classmates for sub-par chicken sandwiches... i think i'll start bringing my own food
and on top of that MY SOCIAL CIRCLE IS STILL IN PIECES
PREDICTION: uhh i'll be okay probably
i said i'd be more active on appleyue but good golly does this year look scary
SO. my older brother invited me with him. i accepted cuz that kind of opportunity comes Once A Blue Moon. i was still worried about it though. for ONE, conventions have tons of people and people make me Anxious (but i feel like that all the time so whatever). TWO, what if i wasn't nerd enough... it's really silly, but people always talk about anime becoming mainstream and complain about 'Normies' and stuff. i've grown up with that sort of stuff, but what if i walked in there and felt like a total outsider?!?!? idk... idk...
well. here's the things i actually did (again in a list like my last blog post because i think it's a better way to format some things)
- stared at fancy anime figures (GOT ZHOU MIKU!!)
- prepared a ghibli no-face cosplay. wore it for like 20 minutes before i realized i wasn't built for the heat
- definitely got some new disease while being shuffled around in artist alley. recognized some artists tho!!!
- was too scared to ask cosplayers for photos until the last day of the con. then i manned up and by the end i had way too many in my phone lol
- gained a new respect for vtubers (strangely)
- met some famous people (cosplayers, streamers, bbno$??)
- yum yum yum tried new food
- discovered new shows
well ANYWAY, my experience at anime expo Probably wasn't Too special in comparison to others but i still ended up having a ton of fun!!! some posts online say there were Wacky incidents or weirdos walking around, but i didn't encounter any of that! whether thats something to be relieved or disappointed about, i am not so sure. like... the convention wasn't straight up RANK like people made it out to be (lol) and the people attending were really nice. the merchandise available was also so kewl...
in the end... i feel more confident with talking and managing my spending. new life exp!!!!!!
would i go to anime expo again... probably. i had fun!! it wasn't anything like the horror stories!! But i'd have to bring a bajillion dollars next time though because GOOD GRAVY everything costed MONEY
anyway, i ended up disappearing because #sophomore year of high school started and i decided to (ugh) focus on my education. IN SHORT: sophomore year had some really high highs and really low lows that averaged out into being an alright year. some highlights:
1. i got all A's in my classes because i am an academic beast.
2. i took my first AP level class (european history). it was my favorite class and i actually loved going to it everyday
3. experienced huge fomo OH MY GOD
4. I REALIZED that people actually know me. for a long time i was very insecure and i really doubted myself and if i really... existed in other people's brains. in reality, i became closer with a lot of people and made new friends. what a world right!!
5. MY CLOSE CIRCLE OF FRIENDS WENT KAPLUT!! it was particularly rough. when i brought this up to my older friends and siblings they were all like "seems normal for high school" ????
6. i used the school restrooms often and there were always people crowding up the space. typically, they were vaping. i thus developed a hatred towards it. i vowed to never vape because i never wanted to be so annoying in my life (oh also for my health ig)
there's more, but it's all very generic American Public High School Experience. it seemed an eventful year while experiencing it, but looking back it really felt like a big blah yk
as for things outside of school... i'm starting to get into more anime and games. i started watching the apothecary diaries. i played katawa shoujo, the walking dead series, needy streamer overload... others. i'm currently playing amagami and i plan to watch amagami ss when i go through all routes!
anyway. CONCLUSION: my junior year, i'll do everything right this time!!!!!